1131 thoughts

Midlife crisis is when you're old enough to buy what you've always wanted but now have to decide if it was worth it.
u/MadDogFenby  ·  2025   ·  2,745 pts
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Spiders control their limbs with blood pressure. Therefore they walk with leg-erections.
u/PSyCHoHaMSTeRza  ·  2025   ·  2,743 pts
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Does taking the stairs add more to the average lifespan than falling down stairs subtracts?
u/imgurcaptainclutch  ·  2025   ·  2,742 pts
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The save my password function has unironically made people forget about the very password they wanted to save.
u/SpamOfSteel  ·  2025   ·  2,741 pts
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If you ask someone if they ever lie, and they say “yes,” you must believe them.
u/TurboTurtle-  ·  2025   ·  2,736 pts
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The rise of Facebook and LinkedIn has led to less in person 5/10/20 year school reunions since now we can compare achievements online.
u/Mathemodel  ·  2025   ·  2,723 pts
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I don't like to go to sleep because it's difficult to find a comfortable sleeping position. I also don't like to get up in the morning because this means I have to abandon the perfect sleeping position I've spent so much time searching for.
u/Bright-Historian-216  ·  2025   ·  2,717 pts
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Instead of being able to celebrate new technology, society has become used to dreading its use for destructive reasons.
u/ComoElFuego  ·  2025   ·  2,714 pts
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Any alien observer would conclude that toothpaste must be the most valuable substance on our planet. As a species we are so wasteful of any and all resources - except when it comes to toothpaste, of which we collectively refuse to waste a single drop.
u/elephvant  ·  2025   ·  2,689 pts
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Since most ghosts of people we could interact with died after the typewriter was invented, Ouija Boards should really be made QWERTY style.
u/ldb477  ·  2025   ·  2,689 pts
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Batman is probably really good with makeup seeing as he has to hide his bruises as Bruce Wayne.
u/NighTraiN7804  ·  2025   ·  2,684 pts
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Some day most combustion engine cars trips will have to plan out available refuel stops again.
u/throwaway490215  ·  2025   ·  2,683 pts
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It’s impressive that all the countries of the world were able to synchronize their time.
u/QuantumDreamer41  ·  2025   ·  2,679 pts
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At what point does a fossil stop being controlled by necromancy and start being controlled by geomancy?
u/bajadasaurus234  ·  2026   ·  2,675 pts
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In CA, the dollar value at which theft becomes a felony is $950. This means that due to inflation, the bar for becoming a felon gets lower every year.
u/fore___  ·  2025   ·  2,618 pts
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If zombie movies were accurate, the characters would put a lot more emotion towards how bad it would smell.
u/m0nk37  ·  2025   ·  2,616 pts
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Architecture made by animals in fiction often incorporates either their body parts or stereotypical food (like bone or paw motifs in dog architecture), but that never happens in real life.
u/garaile64  ·  2025   ·  2,613 pts
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For people who contribute enough to their 401k, at some brief instant it will be worth $401k.
u/TerpBE  ·  2026   ·  2,609 pts
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Because of mental disorders like DID, the average number of people per body is slightly greater than one.
u/Text_Taxer  ·  2026   ·  2,600 pts
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There comes a point where a person goes from "old enough to know better" to "too old to know better."
u/Sir_Lolipops  ·  2025   ·  2,597 pts
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Most people have a unique music fingerprint. For most people, there would be a combination of 2 or 3 obscure songs that only they listened to.
u/Sincetheend  ·  2025   ·  2,594 pts
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There are probably more planes in the ocean than submarines.
u/Austin111Gaming_YT  ·  2025   ·  2,590 pts
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It's only a matter of time before mainstream media such as Fox and CNN start showing AI generated clips, intentionally or not.
u/iTylerx  ·  2025   ·  2,559 pts
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Statistically, half the people reading this are stupider than the other half.
u/allangee  ·  2025   ·  2,554 pts
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When you wake up to roll over in bed, it's like changing the channels on the dreams you're having.
u/[deleted]  ·  2025   ·  2,548 pts
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Tipping can be seen as a tax on the empathetic.
u/Vast-Intention  ·  2026   ·  2,543 pts
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A good round of applause shouldn't have everyone clapping at the same beat.
u/JPsena523  ·  2026   ·  2,539 pts
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"I got 5 on it" is seemingly the only song immune to inflation.
u/Delanorix  ·  2025   ·  2,537 pts
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Wireless chargers use more wire than wired chargers.
u/Mole_person1  ·  2026   ·  2,536 pts
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A dinner knife is actually really hard to hurt yourself with, and it probably took a lot of revision for the design today to be this foolproof.
u/ItsAroundYou  ·  2025   ·  2,518 pts
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Since sauropods were often the tallest objects in a given area, they probably got struck by lightning often.
u/bajadasaurus234  ·  2026   ·  2,511 pts
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Everyone in the world could blink at the same time, but no one would know because everyone's eyes are closed.
u/Maximum_Paper_6302  ·  2025   ·  2,504 pts
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On average 6 to 8 people die between your blinks.
u/Alien-Pro  ·  2025   ·  2,499 pts
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Being a kid is the free trial, while adulthood is the overpriced subscription.
u/imjusthere4good  ·  2025   ·  2,496 pts
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If you work at the Bureau of Printing and Engraving, you make less money than you make.
u/XxBCMxX21  ·  2025   ·  2,496 pts
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The majority of the world is not at war, but is still significantly affected by the wars.
u/QuantumDreamer41  ·  2026   ·  2,486 pts
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There has to have been at least one person who, right after the "rules for surviving a horror movie" scene in Scream, said "I'll be right back" and then actually died.
u/KHfailure  ·  2025   ·  2,471 pts
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Trying to get all the groceries into the house in a single load is both lazy and ambitious.
u/DoomWad  ·  2025   ·  2,445 pts
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"Can I speak to a human?" will eventually replace "Can I speak to your manager?"
u/LetMeExplainDis  ·  2025   ·  2,441 pts
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We used to put the horse before the vehicle to move us around. Now we put the vehicle in front of the horse to move the horse around
u/Ultimum226  ·  2025   ·  2,423 pts
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The emotion of feeling shocked would have made no sense prior to the discovery of electricity.
u/Mobeast1985  ·  2025   ·  2,422 pts
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You can never miss your turn on a roundabout because it's always coming up ahead.
u/Bucksin06  ·  2026   ·  2,383 pts
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If someone actually has the worst day ever, they’d probably brush it off because ‘other people have it worse’.
u/not_microwave_safe  ·  2025   ·  2,376 pts
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Considering Earth's reality, if we ever manage to access an alien civilization’s internet‑like system, we would mostly find alien porn.
u/lelorang  ·  2026   ·  2,374 pts
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Kids in many nations today are about as far removed from analog TV as '80s kids were from black and white TV.
u/DarthWoo  ·  2025   ·  2,373 pts
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Younger generations used to listen to heavier music than the generation before. It's not the case anymore.
u/Quetzalcoatl__  ·  2025   ·  2,371 pts
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One slow customer can instantly change which checkout line was the right choice.
u/gamersecret2  ·  2026   ·  2,367 pts
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Video games are getting more realistic because all people actually want is reality to be more enjoyable and accessible.
u/HalfSarcastic  ·  2025   ·  2,354 pts
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Evolution makes a lot more sense once you realize that all forms of life are individual cellular organisms where some have learned to work together in increasingly complex ways.
u/Joelblaze  ·  2026   ·  2,352 pts
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It feels higher status in society to be unemployed than to work a menial job.
u/Vast-Intention  ·  2026   ·  2,348 pts
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