1131 thoughts

Harry Potter could have been hallucinating everything due to carbon monoxide poisoning by being stuck in the cupboard under the stairs.
u/billy-the_squid  ·  2019   ·  68,635 pts
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Any Bookmark worth more than a dollar is a waste of money because you could just use the dollar.
u/DarthStrakh  ·  2021   ·  68,617 pts
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Unborn babies are the only people allowed to kick pregnant women.
u/hiddenninjas  ·  2019   ·  68,614 pts
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Considering the size, shape and position of a unicorn's horn; it would most likely be used for stabbing potential predators after a high speed charge.This adaptation would most likely go with an extremely aggressive temperament that would make unicorns one of the most dangerous animals in the world.
u/piecwm  ·  2019   ·  68,609 pts
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When someone breaks up with you, you don't only lose your partner but also the person you would go to tell about what just happened to you
u/zoheritt  ·  2019   ·  68,594 pts
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In depression your brain refuses to produce the happy hormone as a reward for your brain cells for doing what they're supposed to do. And your cells go on strike, refusing to work for no pay, and the whole system goes crashing down for the benefit of absolutely nobody involved.
u/[deleted]  ·  2020   ·  68,555 pts
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You probably have a better understanding of how far you can jump in a game than in how far you can jump real life.
u/Heimdall-Sight  ·  2020   ·  68,540 pts
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Most men will receive their first bunch of flowers at their funeral.
u/Publandlady  ·  2021   ·  68,410 pts
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It actually makes sense that they use physical media in Star Wars instead of digital copies. When you have a ship that can go faster than light, it’s probably much, much quicker to just bring someone a disc than it is to try and email it to them.
u/_Cyanide_Christ_  ·  2020   ·  68,407 pts
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In the wizarding world, rappers would be the hardest to battle. Imagine how fast they could cast multiple spells.
u/ChunkyLove17  ·  2019   ·  68,358 pts
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As a graphic designer, my entire career exists because I was able to pirate Photoshop 10 years ago.
u/[deleted]  ·  2016   ·  68,337 pts
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Our belly buttons are basically the same thing as holes the in fruit, where the stem goes.
u/Love4BlueMoon  ·  2019   ·  68,200 pts
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It’s gotta feel so good to moo as a cow. Probably feels really good to moo
u/imjustadudeguy  ·  2019   ·  68,135 pts
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One day you’ll stop being asked what you want to be when you grow up, and instead be asked what you wanted to be.
u/Gnasher102  ·  2019   ·  68,126 pts
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Before the internet, nerds and fanboys were getting bullied. After the internet, nerds and fanboys became the bullies.
u/Animeking1108  ·  2018   ·  68,124 pts
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Kids don’t like sleeping so much because they haven’t gotten bored with life yet.
u/Isab00by  ·  2020   ·  68,119 pts
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We have been catching fish using the same trick for centuries and they never learned their lesson.
u/psingy  ·  2019   ·  68,105 pts
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The first humans sent on a voyage to another solar system might be greeted by humans who were sent later using faster space ships.
u/CancerousSarcasm  ·  2018   ·  68,006 pts
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Any fact about yourself that you've never told to anyone is technically one of the unknown secrets of the universe
u/ntdesilv  ·  2019   ·  68,001 pts
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If we had to dump our own household trash in our backyard for one week, we would seriously reconsider our own impact of environmental waste.
u/[deleted]  ·  2020   ·  67,965 pts
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When you sit on the toilet you connect your butthole up to the large network of connected buttholes
u/BeautifulBuddy  ·  2018   ·  67,906 pts
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National Parks are a reminder of what the country could’ve looked like if it weren’t for humans.
u/JLaws23  ·  2021   ·  67,873 pts
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Mark Zuckerberg used to be a hero of the digital age, but now he has lived long enough to see himself become the villain.
u/RSTLNE3MCAAV  ·  2018   ·  67,872 pts
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Baby gates are the exact equivalent to - This area is locked until you’ve gained more experience.
u/Ravelcy  ·  2017   ·  67,792 pts
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If you're 25 and single in 2018, nobody bats an eye. If you're 25 and single in 1818, people worry you'll die an old maid. If you're 25 and single in 1418, it's because your third husband just died of the plague.
u/actually_crazy_irl  ·  2018   ·  67,767 pts
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Old trailers did not do the movies justice. New movies do not do the trailers justice.
u/xelawarrior  ·  2018   ·  67,732 pts
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Clark Kent would be outed as Superman pretty fast if he ever accidentally pushed a pull door.
u/Panda_Owen  ·  2018   ·  67,716 pts
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Earth is a dinosaur planet, and humans are just mutants left over after the apocalypse.
u/Paranomaly  ·  2018   ·  67,704 pts
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If you're 25, you've been alive for over 10% of US history
u/BootyWizardAV  ·  2020   ·  67,683 pts
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You never notice how much your head weighs until you’re resting it on your sleeping dog.
u/[deleted]  ·  2020   ·  67,674 pts
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You know you're an adult when you care more about your parents' health than they do.
u/[deleted]  ·  2020   ·  67,511 pts
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They say with pessimism you'll either be correct or pleasantly surprised, but that’s an awfully optimistic way to see pessimism.
u/whiteboydrink  ·  2018   ·  67,456 pts
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We used to wonder about kids who threw tantrums in stores to get their parents to buy them shit. Now they're the adults who throw tantrums in stores to get managers to give them shit.
u/puheenix  ·  2019   ·  67,307 pts
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Parents begging for grandchildren have the same mentality as a child begging for a puppy: they get all of the cute with none of the work.
u/deawang  ·  2018   ·  67,288 pts
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We joke that birdsong is just a pretty way of birds shouting at each other for sex, but really that's all most of our pop music is anyway.
u/Milo_Hackenschmidt  ·  2018   ·  67,268 pts
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By law our cars have to be road worthy, but the roads don’t have to be car worthy
u/Rick470551  ·  2018   ·  67,196 pts
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Thor Ragnarok is really about how nothing brings together two siblings like ganging up on the third one
u/MemeCognito  ·  2018   ·  67,167 pts
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Reddit is killing third-party applications (and itself). Read more in the comments.
u/Showerthoughts_Mod  ·  2023   ·  66,984 pts
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People that wait until they’re married to have sex only have sex with people in their family.
u/ETsUncle  ·  2018   ·  66,908 pts
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Shrek may unintentionally have the most realistic message of all animated films in that, "regardless of inner beauty, people will probably end up with someone who matches them outwardly."
u/[deleted]  ·  2017   ·  66,880 pts
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We live at the bottom of an ocean of air, and lack the ability to swim in it.
u/ir88ed  ·  2019   ·  66,879 pts
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If professional sports teams could only recruit from their city/state there would probably be a lot more invested in local community programs.
u/exposedentrepreneur  ·  2021   ·  66,838 pts
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Painkillers are the "Mute Notifications" option for the body
u/EndTimeEchoes  ·  2021   ·  66,835 pts
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When a child is an asshole, the child gets punished. When a parent is an asshole, the child gets punished.
u/khrishan  ·  2019   ·  66,806 pts
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In 'Bohemian Rhapsody' a key point was that radio stations would never play a 6:00 song, because listeners wouldn't want to sit through it. Yet in the movie they never play the whole song, probably because they felt audiences wouldn't want to sit through it.
u/DNags  ·  2019   ·  66,710 pts
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Honey is totally underrated. Its the only natural food that's made without destroying any kind of life. It's also the only food that won't rot.
u/CoolStoryMoe  ·  2017   ·  66,592 pts
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If humans colonize the moon, it will probably attract retirement homes as the weaker gravity will allow the elderly to feel stronger.
u/86__  ·  2019   ·  66,525 pts
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There are very old marine animals still alive, who remember the time before motors and sonars when oceans were silent.
u/User348844  ·  2019   ·  66,452 pts
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If we invented immortality, people would probably have to go to school multiple times throughout their lives
u/killedbyboneshark  ·  2020   ·  66,423 pts
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Men's public restrooms are laid out all wrong. It should be urinal, stall, urinal, stall, urinal instead of urinal, urinal, urinal, stall, stall.
u/ZeroXNova  ·  2025   ·  28,565 pts
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