1131 thoughts

We're lucky that our bodies require sleep, otherwise our cultures would have us working 16-20 hour days.
u/TenOunceCan  ·  2018   ·  94,357 pts
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If you play the PornHub community jingle in public, everyone will know you’re watching porn but no one will say anything because it will reveal that they know what the jingle’s from
u/SHitteRs__Fu11  ·  2018   ·  94,340 pts
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It would be weird if a human yelled out "Anyone wanna fuck?" but birds do it all day and nobody cares.
u/TecnoWaffle  ·  2018   ·  94,198 pts
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When cell phones were new, it was cool to have a fun or interesting ringtone. Today, if your phone isn’t permanently on silent mode you’re a scumbag
u/DNAviolation  ·  2019   ·  94,150 pts
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If wookies have a 400 year life span, then Han Solo is basically like Chewbacca's third dog
u/BookerDeWittsCarbine  ·  2018   ·  94,063 pts
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If you can't look back at your younger self and realize that you were an idiot, you are probably still an idiot.
u/blendergremlin  ·  2020   ·  94,004 pts
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If your school lends textbooks, teachers seem perfectly content in using ones published in 1999. If your school sells textbooks, then last year’s editions are suddenly outdated, worthless pieces of trash.
u/[deleted]  ·  2019   ·  93,785 pts
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An inheritance is just your relatives dropping loot when they die.
u/[deleted]  ·  2019   ·  93,677 pts
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If it weren’t for movies, the average person would probably have no idea what an elevator shaft looks like.
u/MiniNuka  ·  2020   ·  93,490 pts
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Some people masturbate more than they brush their teeth.
u/RexDust  ·  2020   ·  93,469 pts
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Social anxiety is basically Conspiracy Theories about yourself.
u/howtohidefromfriends  ·  2018   ·  93,443 pts
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People are so amazed by the fact that every snowflake is different, but nobody cares that every potato is unique
u/DukoBoss  ·  2019   ·  93,427 pts
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Google Earth, in all its detail, is an unprecedented accomplishment for mankind. No one even a hundred years ago (or less) would believe it could exist. But the fact that it is free, is a world wonder.
u/explodingness  ·  2018   ·  93,368 pts
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Light bulbs were such a good idea that they became a symbol for a good idea.
u/[deleted]  ·  2020   ·  93,226 pts
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If you won the award of the first man to break two world records, that would make it 3 awards, and you win the award of first man to break 3 records, now you have infinite awards
u/[deleted]  ·  2018   ·  93,115 pts
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It’s entirely possible that two random people on the internet have had a friendly conversation on one forum and later an aggressive hateful conversation on another forum, without ever knowing of their previous wholesome interaction.
u/freddlaren  ·  2018   ·  93,089 pts
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"Bob's Burgers" would also be an appropriate title for SpongeBob SquarePants.
u/thehydrastation  ·  2017   ·  93,010 pts
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Condoms are made by automated assembly lines, meaning robots are literally helping to prevent human reproduction.
u/SinJinQLB  ·  2018   ·  92,541 pts
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The movie industry considers you to be an adult when you're 17 to see a rated R movie, but they conveniently lower that age to 13 when they are deciding who pays adult ticket prices.
u/AbattoirOfDuty  ·  2018   ·  91,910 pts
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The fact that we can't fully control our own organs and bodily functions is like we don't have admin privileges of our own bodies
u/Zaptagious  ·  2019   ·  91,821 pts
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J.K. Rowling changing aspects of Harry Potter 22 years after it was written is the equivalent of coming up with a good comeback a few hours after the arguement's already finished.
u/messosen  ·  2019   ·  91,719 pts
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There is nothing better than realizing, right after you wake up, that you won't have to face repercussions for the terrible choices you made in your dream.
u/dzemperzapedra  ·  2018   ·  91,581 pts
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The other day, someone said, "Newton's rolling over in his grave" in response to a basic physics mistake. But if Newton heard someone suggest his corpse could move without an external force acting upon it, he would roll over in his grave.
u/melodicrobotic  ·  2017   ·  91,329 pts
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If race horses could comprehend that victory meant a lifetime of leisure and sex they’d probably run even faster
u/Bid325  ·  2018   ·  91,222 pts
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If everyone on earth died simultaneously, the internet would be comprised entirely of bots posting, liking, and upvoting each other.
u/AlphaBravo69  ·  2019   ·  91,041 pts
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In one generation we went from, "watch your mouth around grandma, she's from a different time," to, "Don't mind all the stuff grandma says, she's from a different time."
u/Ellikichi  ·  2018   ·  90,996 pts
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we thought our parents were embarrassing, but when the tiktok generation has kids, those kids will face forms of embarrassment unknown to us.
u/v-v-v-v-w  ·  2020   ·  90,892 pts
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The Viagra commercial always says "Make sure your heart is healthy enough for sex." That's a really deep question if you think about it in more of a metaphorical way
u/Kermoot_De_Froog  ·  2018   ·  90,879 pts
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Drinking cow’s milk is okay, but drinking a woman’s breast milk is weird. Sucking a woman’s breast is okay, but sucking a cow’s udder is weird.
u/[deleted]  ·  2021   ·  90,878 pts
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Hogwarts’ assignments on 3 or 4 feet of parchment seem really long until you realize that the length of an A4 paper is 11.7 inches. Harry constantly complained about writing a 4-page essay.
u/foshowdoe  ·  2020   ·  90,601 pts
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If a morgue worker dies they'd still need to come in to work one more time
u/[deleted]  ·  2020   ·  90,421 pts
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Expensive paintings are basically just trading cards for the rich.
u/2th_pick  ·  2019   ·  90,333 pts
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College Students are simultaneously stereotyped for not getting enough sleep and for sleeping all the time.
u/BruceDwayne1  ·  2018   ·  90,231 pts
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Too bad alcohol isn't heavily discounted the day after St. Patrick's Day the way candy is after Valentine's Day.
u/Hot_Donald  ·  2018   ·  90,145 pts
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You know who has more descendents than Genghis Khan. Genghis Khan's dad.
u/BlockheadRedditor  ·  2019   ·  89,938 pts
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Telemarketers have basically ruined the telephone as a tool for contacting people quickly because no one bothers to answer it anymore.
u/PikesPique  ·  2019   ·  89,764 pts
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Those "choose your own flavor" Coke machines are probably just there to gather marketing data; They see what the most popular flavors are so they can release bottled/canned versions.
u/SimplyTim90  ·  2019   ·  89,577 pts
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Posting newborn’s weight and length makes childbirth rather too similar to fishing
u/Nebula-X1  ·  2019   ·  89,522 pts
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Traditions are basically dead people peer pressuring us
u/JonSolo1  ·  2019   ·  89,507 pts
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There are two types of car owners. The first is upset when it rains because the rain is getting their car dirty. The second is happy when it rains because the rain is getting their car clean.
u/ecc811  ·  2019   ·  89,267 pts
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As a child, it seemed like parents had eyes on the back of their heads. As adults, it’s clear that little kids are extremely predictable
u/squanto420sqanching  ·  2020   ·  89,233 pts
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Maybe superheroes wear capes to hide the zipper on the back of their onesie.
u/[deleted]  ·  2020   ·  89,086 pts
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They don’t let you smile in passport photos because they want you to look the same as if you were standing in line at customs for an hour
u/dillisking  ·  2019   ·  89,078 pts
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There’s enough sperm sitting in donation centres to impregnate every adult women on earth. If men disappeared tomorrow the human race would continue.
u/afk14  ·  2022   ·  88,949 pts
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We never really scratch our balls -- It's more of a pinch the skin and twist technique that no one ever teaches us; we all just figure it out on our own and no one ever talks about it.
u/Sydeburnn  ·  2020   ·  88,777 pts
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The asteroid that ended the dinosaurs was technically the highest ratio of killing birds to one stone in Earth's history.
u/cubosh  ·  2021   ·  88,661 pts
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It’s not till you work a retail job that you realize 85% of people are dumb as rocks.
u/Nathanyu3  ·  2022   ·  88,639 pts
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Pinterest is like a virus that infected the google image search.
u/MagsClouds  ·  2018   ·  88,611 pts
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You know you’re getting old when your parents start disappointing you, instead of you disappointing them.
u/jessicajingle19  ·  2019   ·  88,608 pts
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The sense of hearing is wild. We can detect the air pressure changes caused by a paperclip hitting the floor from across the room.
u/KindaOffKey  ·  2020   ·  88,589 pts
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