1131 thoughts

Looking for a job is about convincing a bunch of Mr. Krabs that you're a Spongebob when you're actually a Patrick, until you slowly become Squidward.
u/SoftlyPressingOnward  ·  2019   ·  83,259 pts
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Bottled water companies do not produce water, they produce plastic bottles.
u/yung_gravy1  ·  2019   ·  83,188 pts
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Tom and Jerry is one of the most distinct case of child v.s. adult perspective in which as a child you think Jerry is witty and correct but as an adult you see that Tom is being bullied by Jerry whilst attempting to live his life as a normal house cat.
u/[deleted]  ·  2018   ·  83,179 pts
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It’s funny how, as you progress through college, they require you to write longer and longer papers. Then you get to the professional world and no one will read an email that’s more than 5 sentences.
u/[deleted]  ·  2019   ·  83,141 pts
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Not being a Game of Thrones fan today feels like being a non-football fan on Super Bowl Sunday.
u/julianfoolian  ·  2019   ·  83,094 pts
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Vanilla becoming the default flavour of ice cream is the greatest underdog story of all time.
u/benyacobi  ·  2019   ·  83,069 pts
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Technically, the mailman has never gotten in the house, so as far as the dog knows, his barking is working.
u/Guyshu  ·  2020   ·  83,034 pts
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Your salary is your company's monthly subscription fee of you.
u/parithaabam  ·  2019   ·  82,870 pts
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You know you've made it when your couches aren't against a wall.
u/2n20  ·  2020   ·  82,841 pts
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All these social media posts about listing your first job and first car and favorite color seem like a pretty obvious ploy to figure out people’s passwords.
u/mzkp54  ·  2020   ·  82,662 pts
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Eventually, most of the content on the internet will be from dead people.
u/3VD  ·  2020   ·  82,593 pts
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Reddit Is Killing Third-Party Applications (And Itself). Read more in the comments.
u/Showerthoughts_Mod  ·  2023   ·  82,359 pts
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Being proactive is rarely rewarded, because if your actions avoid a tragedy, there is no tragedy to prove your actions were warranted.
u/toni_bylend  ·  2020   ·  82,264 pts
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When you buy pizza from a place that sells it by the slice, you're essentially having a pizza party with a bunch of strangers that day.
u/journojan  ·  2019   ·  82,188 pts
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At a certain point in your life, sitting at home alone, watching TV on a Friday night goes from being super depressing to the most enjoyable part of your week.
u/JohannReddit  ·  2018   ·  82,150 pts
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Everybody thought having a calculator on you at all times was gonna be a gamechanger but the real shit is having a flashlight
u/mrcoffee8  ·  2020   ·  82,130 pts
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Male country singers talk about how good they are to women, while female country singers talk about how terrible the men are.
u/LoopinAndPoopin  ·  2019   ·  82,073 pts
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Our parents warned us for years about the 'dangers' of the internet while knowing nothing about it, then finally dove in and fell for every. Single. One.
u/[deleted]  ·  2018   ·  82,043 pts
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Peer pressure as an adult is seeing your neighbor mow their lawn.
u/-slickset-  ·  2018   ·  81,875 pts
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In 1920 kids thought "100 years from now, people must have flying cars!" but really, a massive worldwide network of data utilizing the processing power of billions of devices allowing complex communication across the globe is somehow more impressive.
u/nominal251  ·  2019   ·  81,654 pts
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Imagine how rich you would have had to be 200 years ago to have music playing in the background while you cook dinner
u/DadThrowsBolts  ·  2018   ·  81,541 pts
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The banana is no longer the food item that looks most phone-like. The pop tart is.
u/Thisismythrowaway889  ·  2019   ·  81,454 pts
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Knowing you have the next day off is more relieving than the actual day off
u/Sapphorous  ·  2019   ·  81,339 pts
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When we're young, we sneak out our house to go to parties. When we're old, we sneak out of parties to go home.
u/Reef22  ·  2018   ·  81,323 pts
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Instead of a Mummy’s Curse, in a couple hundred years when archaeologists are sitting through data on old computers, someone’s accidentally going to unleash an ancient computer virus into their network
u/JonSnowInTheTardis  ·  2018   ·  81,250 pts
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Babies don't know dreams aren't real, so they must think they have some crazy adventures with you every day.
u/danwilkie90  ·  2020   ·  81,227 pts
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When looking at the stars, you become the unique, final resting place for billions of photons that travelled thousands of light years only to make your life a little brighter.
u/-ax  ·  2019   ·  81,205 pts
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The Kardashian family is made up of a man who transformed into a woman (Tiresius), sisters who so ravenously crave attention they'll do anything to get it (Harpys), and a mother slowly turning to stone due to plastic surgery (Niobe). The Kardashians are Greek myths come to life for the 21st century.
u/ManOfThieves  ·  2018   ·  81,199 pts
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In 10-15 years gamer dads will join the sports dads who "could've gone pro if it werent for......."
u/Rebirth_Revival  ·  2018   ·  81,041 pts
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Generation X and Millennials will probably be the first generations in recent history to tell their kids about how much easier life was when they were kids.
u/Rockin_freakapotamus  ·  2022   ·  80,972 pts
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In movies, there are two kinds of vents. Human sized vents and vents that are big enough only for the smallest, least experienced member of the group.
u/kozycat309  ·  2020   ·  80,860 pts
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If you think you ever fucked up bad, just remember somewhere an ant brought borax laced food to the colony killing the queen and the colony
u/whynothavelots  ·  2018   ·  80,787 pts
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Pirates have always seemed good about employing people with physical disabilities.
u/Nevvick  ·  2018   ·  80,717 pts
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When you walk through a grocery store and they are playing good music. You have become their target demographic.
u/Brushean  ·  2019   ·  80,634 pts
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Nearly everyone values a human life over the life of an fish, but few people value a single human life over the life of every fish. Meaning everyone has a certain number of fish that they would prefer to be alive over Steve from work.
u/ACrustyBusStation  ·  2022   ·  80,621 pts
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Waking up in the morning sometimes feels like resuming a shitty movie you decided to quit watching
u/vladval  ·  2019   ·  80,516 pts
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The most unrealistic thing about Spy movies is how clean the air ventilation system is!
u/JDdiah  ·  2019   ·  80,408 pts
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Due to most people not having full blown professional kitchens, a cooking show that only uses basic ingredients and a microwave to create dishes would probably be pretty popular.
u/southpolebrand  ·  2019   ·  80,377 pts
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If humans were ever to prove the theory that our universe is a simulation, it would simultaneously become the moment when artificial intelligence becomes self-aware, ironically making humanity the artificial intelligence all along.
u/[deleted]  ·  2018   ·  80,249 pts
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A lot less people would buy a lottery ticket if the rule was "pick a number between 1 and 300 million. If you guess right, you win."
u/massivecomplexity  ·  2020   ·  80,240 pts
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That "No alcohol beyond this point" might as well say, "Bet you can't chug that whole beer.".
u/[deleted]  ·  2018   ·  80,238 pts
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People don’t really want to go back to a time when the world was simpler. They want to go back to a time when they didn’t understand how complicated the world has always been.
u/Vulpinand  ·  2019   ·  80,176 pts
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For being a high school in Europe, Hogwarts has a surprising lack of cigarettes.
u/StreetratMatt  ·  2020   ·  80,151 pts
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Some stranger somewhere still remembers you because you were kind to them when no one else was.
u/zRage4  ·  2020   ·  80,025 pts
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There must be millions of people who still spell out B-E-A-UTIFUL in their head the same way Jim Carrey did in Bruce Almighty.
u/[deleted]  ·  2018   ·  79,972 pts
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A college class is like Dora the Explorer. The professor asks a question, stares blankly for a few seconds, then answers his own question.
u/xpco  ·  2018   ·  79,918 pts
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Since the voice actors og Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse are married, there is a good chance they have done Mickey and Minnie Mouse voice during sex.
u/snackyboi_  ·  2022   ·  79,855 pts
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You are probably closer to being a millionaire than Bill Gates.
u/Blackholle  ·  2019   ·  79,720 pts
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You can tell a lot about an organisation by the quality of the toilet paper they provide for their employees
u/Oven_Kid  ·  2019   ·  79,454 pts
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One day Rick Astley will die and no one will click on the headline.
u/[deleted]  ·  2018   ·  79,438 pts
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