1131 thoughts

We've reached an oddly secure place as a species when we're rooting for the number of tigers and lions in nature to increase.
u/BreatheMyStink  ·  2019   ·  79,346 pts
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People with anxiety are basically way too aware of being alive
u/koth72  ·  2018   ·  79,321 pts
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People sentenced to house arrest last year really lucked out timing wise
u/cwtheredsoxfan  ·  2021   ·  79,156 pts
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Some people drink more before age 21 than after age 21
u/[deleted]  ·  2020   ·  79,154 pts
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While we sleep our brain makes up stories and then gets scared of them
u/kpingvin  ·  2020   ·  79,154 pts
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There's probably some women out there whose children secretly belong to the wrong man and are freaking out about the fact that people are taking DNA tests for fun.
u/Foppful  ·  2017   ·  79,039 pts
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Cashiers in US are not allowed to sit because it is 'impolite' but no one knows who finds it impolite except the hypothetical 'some people'.
u/TheHoneySacrifice  ·  2019   ·  78,903 pts
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If you were bulletproof, you would probably live your entire life without knowing.
u/WormXr  ·  2020   ·  78,814 pts
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The title of “oldest person alive” is a relatively permanent one. Once you earn it you get to keep it for the rest of your life.
u/Potatoestoe  ·  2019   ·  78,811 pts
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If future historians don't know how to decode multiple layers of sarcasm, the internet's really going to throw them off.
u/suburbanhavoc  ·  2019   ·  78,774 pts
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The guy who killed batman's parents saved tons of lives.
u/AtlantaBoyz  ·  2019   ·  78,767 pts
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0%, 99% and 100% are the most worrying numbers to see a progress bar pause a long time on.
u/Mungo_Clump  ·  2019   ·  78,757 pts
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As a kid, you are bullied by people who don't like you, and your friends are nice. Once you're older, you're bullied by your friends, and people who don't like you are nice
u/iLyArcheType  ·  2018   ·  78,540 pts
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Knowledge is knowing that you can carry all of the groceries in at once. Wisdom is making multiple trips so that by the time you are done, other family members have put away most of the groceries.
u/Kattsu-Don  ·  2018   ·  78,458 pts
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A shark eating a human thinking it’s a seal is the equivalent of a human eating a raisin cookie thinking it was chocolate chip
u/tedt93  ·  2019   ·  78,249 pts
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If a sloth were to clap, it will always sound sarcastic.
u/ziadio  ·  2020   ·  78,179 pts
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If you don't wear the right clothes when you go for a run, you look like an insane person.
u/Jesuschristminerals  ·  2020   ·  78,139 pts
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Getting a song stuck in your head wouldn't be so bad if it was the full song instead of 10 seconds on loop.
u/Venny_Kazz  ·  2019   ·  77,885 pts
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If it wasn’t for their fame, Harry, Ron and Hermione probably wouldn’t have gotten jobs since they didn’t attend the last year of school and didn’t take their leaving exams.
u/[deleted]  ·  2020   ·  77,871 pts
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If women were the ones with the ballsack, there would be so many bogus scrotal beautification products like special braces and wraps to keep it tight and smooth as you age.
u/Shazz777  ·  2018   ·  77,822 pts
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A 3 day break, you feel well rested. A 5+ day break, you forget how to be a productive member of society.
u/JustSomeGuy_Idk  ·  2018   ·  77,754 pts
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It's hard to let someone know that they're bad at taking criticsm.
u/Relaxing_Cat  ·  2019   ·  77,749 pts
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If magic was real it would just be a branch of science
u/ConnorIsABeast  ·  2020   ·  77,597 pts
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Fahrenheit is basically asking humans how hot it feels. Celsius is basically asking water how hot it feels. Kelvin is basically asking atoms how hot it feels.
u/nitarek  ·  2018   ·  77,579 pts
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Whoever said that man is the only animal that kills for sport or fun never had a fucking cat.
u/slid3r  ·  2020   ·  77,567 pts
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You know you've reached adulthood when your bed is in the middle of the wall instead of in the corner.
u/AquilaDewi  ·  2018   ·  77,563 pts
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It's surprising there aren't any conspiracy theories that the ocean is bottomless because most people have never been to the seafloor.
u/Hot_Donald  ·  2018   ·  77,537 pts
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Learning more advanced math in school basically unlocks more buttons of the calculator.
u/iEmeralds  ·  2019   ·  77,518 pts
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Young people now hate Boomers for destroying the housing market. Young people in the future will hate Millenials for destroying their privacy.
u/BrandonTheStoner  ·  2020   ·  77,443 pts
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The hardest thing to believe about Batman is that not 1 distant relative tried claiming him in order to inherit the Wayne fortune.
u/C137-Morty  ·  2019   ·  77,401 pts
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There’s a stranger out there who probably has a memory that involves you in it that they think about from time to time.
u/[deleted]  ·  2019   ·  77,305 pts
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A different version of you exists in the minds of everyone who knows you.
u/Mauveinex  ·  2018   ·  77,227 pts
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As a kid a wiggling tooth is exciting. As an adult a wiggling tooth is terrifying.
u/bhakunikaran  ·  2019   ·  77,166 pts
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Apple treats you like a user, Android treats you like an admin.
u/Jedorawr  ·  2019   ·  76,917 pts
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Every child deserves parents, but not all parents deserve children.
u/[deleted]  ·  2019   ·  76,895 pts
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Women’s longer average lifespan is partially cancelled out by longer wait times at public restrooms.
u/Laughing_Fish  ·  2020   ·  76,850 pts
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Self checkouts are saving thousands of teenagers from the embarrassment of their first condom purchases.
u/t-had  ·  2019   ·  76,746 pts
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In video games the fatter the enemy, the more HP they have. In real life it's the opposite.
u/Stuf404  ·  2020   ·  76,710 pts
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Infinite scrolling makes addiction to social media 1000 times worse.
u/sojanlol  ·  2020   ·  76,707 pts
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People who post pictures of restaurant menus on Yelp when you can't find them anywhere else are the real MVPs.
u/Domethegoon  ·  2019   ·  76,698 pts
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Aquaman's skin is impenetrable by normal blades, bullets and more... Which makes you wonder how he got his tattoos in the 2018 movie
u/uknown-dude  ·  2020   ·  76,629 pts
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Youtubers who specialize on "reaction videos" exist to fulfill our fantasy of showing a video to a friend and them reacting like we want them to.
u/[deleted]  ·  2019   ·  76,581 pts
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Amputating Mike Wazowski’s legs would be exactly the same as beheading him.
u/MeanMug337  ·  2019   ·  76,512 pts
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There are probably a bunch of parents who think their children are fussy eaters, when in reality they're just horrible cooks.
u/[deleted]  ·  2018   ·  76,498 pts
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Looney Toons doesn’t get enough credit for introducing countless children to classical music
u/Miburui  ·  2020   ·  76,491 pts
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If you put a map of your country on the floor, there will be a point on the map that is touching the actual point it refers to
u/Red5551  ·  2019   ·  76,402 pts
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Crispy is just crunchy but thin.
u/Doot-Kid  ·  2019   ·  76,342 pts
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Considering how new $1000 phones are released every year with minor changes, it's a good thing gaming consoles don't do the exact same thing.
u/InsidiousInfidel  ·  2020   ·  76,284 pts
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The international space station takes the smartest people on the planet and turns them into maintenance workers
u/SANcapITY  ·  2021   ·  76,141 pts
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If a sequel to a movie doesn’t have the screenwriters or directors of the first movie in it, it’s basically just a high-budget fanfiction
u/[deleted]  ·  2021   ·  76,138 pts
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